“Find me a VP with big scandals.  I don’t want them talking about all mine.”  Then  with a twinkle in his eye he added, “I only want the scandals to be big if you know what I mean.”

“Do you want me to measure, sir?”

“Do what you think is best.  Smart choices, that’s what we’re about.”

“But do you want me to measure?”

“I think it might be prudent.  Wait, that’s a nancy boy word.  I can’t believe I know that word.  Make a note that I need to unlearn that word.  It might be safer.  That’s better.”

“What about Christie and Bridgegate?”

“It’s a nice scandal but people hate being stuck in traffic.”

“Sir, with all due respect, I think you should think in more presidential terms than stuck in traffic.”

“Being stuck in traffic, that’s the most Democratic thing ever. People hate being stuck in traffic.  Are you some kind of Washington insider?”

“No sir.  But you fly in a helicopter.”

“We drove that one time.  We could have gotten stuck in traffic.”

“Fair point.  Well, then how about Newt?”

“Ah, yes, ol’ Newt Moonbase Gingrich.  Well I like that he likes the ladies, but that whole having-an-affair-while-his-wife-was-dying-of-cancer-and-he-was-trying-to-take-down-the-president-for-having-an-affair might not play well with the priggish religious right-ies.  Who else you got?”

“Pence, sir.  His scandal was just about hating on the gays.”

“Perfect.  There’s something we can get behind, no pun intended.”  He winked, again showing that clever, sophisticated wit.

“Yes sir, we’ll measure, I mean vet, him right away.”