[victim sobbing] I wanted to come forward and tell my story.  But then I wonder, “am I really hot enough? I mean, I used to be a total babe.  But then there was the Summer of Tacos.”  In her own words, now sometimes she’s partway in the other room by the time she gets out of bed.

Ultimately the victim decided not to speak as she said she was no longer in the “I’d tap that” category necessary  to be a reliable witness.