Conservative media likes to dismiss the Russia investigation by simply calling it a “nothingburger.”  Let’s look at some of the factual fixin’s of that nothing burger.

Corey Lewandowski

He was Trump’s campaign manager for a year and a half starting in January 2015.  Um, is the name any clue?  He’s the guy who Trump fired after Corey assaulted a reporter.  His Russia ties are a bit indirect, mostly around things like introducing people to Russian people, so pretty far removed and all that.  In spite of being fired before for assault, Trump reached out to him to maybe hire him back to help with “crisis management” around the Russia thing.  Cuz that assault thing was over a year ago back in March 2016.  Let it go.  Move on.

Paul Manafort

Trump’s campaign adviser for 8 months after Corey, Paul was forced to resign after things came to light suggesting he was deeply in debt to Russian banks and he also had this pesky problem of representing the Ukraine.  His resume was also a little pock marked, with him having worked for what is described as a “rogue’s gallery” and for making money off clientele which were described as the “torturer’s circle.”  (That latter part was not a disqualifier)

Michael Flynn

Trump’s national security adviser, Flynn just “forgot” to mention his Russian debts and dealings with Russian officials.  Oops.  When asked to provide emails to congress he invoked the 5th amendment.  But then he said he’d testify if granted immunity.

Now he did tell the Trump team he was under federal investigation for his work as a lobbyist advocating for Turkish government interests, so good on him.  Was there a red flag in there somewhere?

Nothing to see here folks, move along.

Jeff Sessions

Took himself out of the game due to involvement with Russia.  Trump really wishes he hadn’t done this.  Trump really doesn’t like people with ethics or morals or any of the sissy stuff that just slows you down.

Rex Tillerson

Heck, he’s darn proud of his Russian ties.  They helped him get where he is today.  He was appointed CEO of Exxon on the strength of his good relationship with Russia.  Trump instructed him to work with Russia on a mutually rosier future (for Exxon and Trump presumably).  There’s nothing secret here, it’s all out in the open and in fact pretty well advertised.

Roger Stone

Former Trump adviser, there’s so much dirt on this guy it’s hard to know where to start. And the Russia stuff is only a small part of what he brings to the Trump table: hacking, wikileaks connections, “dirty trickster” who helped the Nixon compaign, self-described master of the political “dark arts”,  and obviously all around nice guy.

Carter Page

Former Trump adviser Carter Page has said he’s not a spy for Russia and as proof offered that he’s spent many happy hours talking to the FBI and CIA so he couldn’t have known anything… now wait just a minute.  Hmmm… no wait, he says very earnestly he’s a good guy so he must be OK.

Jared Kushner

Jared is one of those guys who’s crippled by a very bad memory.  Poor guy, it’s got to be rough to get through life like that.

He acknowledges Russia meetings but says they only talked about “nice things.”

He also claims inexperience as a virtue in helping be nimble and adapt to change while simultaneously citing inexperience as his reason for not knowing better.

Who do you want to pilot the jet, a guy who’s nimble and responds to change or a guy who knows how to fly a jet?  That’s a tough call.

Donald Trump Jr.

Lots of press over the fact he was falling all over himself to get dirt on Clinton and took a meeting with Russians who promised said dirt.  He’s provided email himself where he’s gleeful at the possibility of gleaning anti-Clinton scoopage.  Trump says it’s just “opposition research” and that everybody does it.  But then you read from a real opposition researcher about all the ethics involved in sourcing said research, and I dunno, who are you going to believe?

Finally, Donald Jr. says he didn’t do anything wrong and he’ll never do it again.  Case closed.

Wilbur Ross

Trump’s commerce secretary stepped down from the board of Cypriot, a Russian bank, before accepting the position with the Trump administration.  So there’s no possible connection there, people, c’mon!

United States Intelligence Community

Multiple agencies of the US government stated with “high confidence” that the Russian’s successfully manipulated the outcome of the election.  Although this is as close to “fact” as you can possibly get, Trump never lets pesky facts get in the way of his worldview.


There are many other players in the whole Russia thing but in most cases their Russian ties are a lesser problem when compared with their other dubious dealings, so we’ll omit them from this list. But it’s been jokingly suggested that you have to prove your Russian bonafides to get with the Trump team.


Scaramucci’s take on things

Finally, in closing, right before being fired, Scaramucci had this piquant tidbit to add about the Russia investigation:

What the f***eky f*** is all this f***ing Russia stuff about?  For f***’s sake, people.

(not a real quote, just the author’s impression of what the Mooch might have had to say)