“It’s genius,” he said, pausing for effect at the press conference. “We’ll hide our missile bases in my golf courses. Our many enemies will never suspect a thing.”
“Imagine the majesty of watching a giant ICBM rise on a towering pillar of flame from a silo by the 17th green,” he elaborated to huge applause. “It will be a yyyuge draw for the golfers.”
“But how will you clear the greens for a launch?” a reporter from the liberal media asked. Trump stroked his chin thoughtfully and replied, “We’re thinking of offering free passes to Mexicans and Muslims on launch days so it won’t really matter. But of course, they don’t know how to play golf…” he mused. But he quickly recovered. “We’ve got smart people working on it.”
“But what if you need an emergency launch?” persisted that same obnoxious reporter from the liberal media.
“Well we won’t do that. I can’t make money off that. Duh!” And then he did one of his hilarious imitations of a mentally challenged person.
The Trump team later provided more details on the plan, including noting that servicemen stationed at the base will be required to eat at the course’s 19th hole. Security concerns, of course, not profits. Affordable housing for the servicemen and women will be within 45 miles of the courses in most cases.
“It’s win-win,” he smiled as he waved to the adoring crowd.