It’s well known that the red states are the biggest consumers of porn.  I suppose you could make the case, therefore, that the public health crisis only exists in the red states. But I digress already.  That was fast.  I don’t usually digress for at least two or three paragraphs.  But I might be digressing again.

It is well known and documented that the red states are the lustiest consumers of porn, and here’s a page from ABC News and a salient quote:

Those states that do consume the most porn tend to be more conservative and religious than states with lower levels of consumption, the study finds.

As such, a possible solution to at least ameliorate (that means “make smaller”) the problem would be for all the red states to become blue states.  Now sure, you might say “correlation does not imply causation” yada-yada-yada.  And I suppose we could split hairs. But in the interest of keeping things simple for John Q. Public, let’s just go with the obvious.  Let’s have those states become more liberal and less religious.  Done.  Problem solved.

But being serious for a moment, let’s consider the very real issue of deaths caused by porn.  After all, that’s what is at the root of the public health crisis.  There are far more deaths from porn than from say guns or prescription drugs.  What?!?!  There aren’t?!?!  Well, how about this then.  Porn star deaths!  We can all grieve when our favorite actress (or actor if you happen to swing that way) kicks the bucket.

Here’s a nice piece on porn star deaths complete with a bunch of pictures.  Ah, made you click.  And in the grand tradition of Internet sites that deliberately break things into multiple slow loading pages so they can serve more ads, I have to say #10 is totally hot.

Now that data from PornHub does not fit my preconceived notions so like all great Internet reasoning of course we won’t talk about it, but we will use a thought-provoking quote:

Using the same data, our statisticians could also have correctly predicted election results in 9 of the 12 swing states (75% accuracy).

Makes you think, huh?